What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 05:19
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
How do you find out who your handler is as a targeted individual?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Are you worried that the 2024 US presidential election will result in a close race?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I have no regrets .
She was in good health!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But, we were locked up after school.
I don,t even have a pension.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Would this be the day?
All the time i was locked up.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was 9 years of age.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She married twice! .
It was going to be , some day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I think the readers, may guess!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was very sick at this time too.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When she asked me how she looked .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
(And it was in our own minds.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But ive been too sick for many years..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One cannot live in the past .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She loved him until the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We all went to grammer schools
I said to her
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My family never makes their pension either.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
I will be 64.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were not on the streets..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My life is so biszare .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She found it foreign!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was scared of men, in general
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He knew the spot.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..